I sometimes hear from people who are a little put off that their spouse wants to dictate their relationship with the other person during an affair. Often, the person having the affair knows that the relationship is wrong, but they can't seem to stop it. And although they know that it is wrong, they can't help wanting to give the relationship time to develop in order to see what might happen. Of course, their spouse will often Russianbrides.com Reviews do everything in their power to ensure that this doesn't happen, especially when there are children involved.
To demonstrate, I might hear a wife
say: "I am not proud of the fact that I am having an affair. I know that
this isn't great behavior on my part. But I have fallen in love with the other
man. I wish this didn't hurt my husband. But I can't deny my feelings. My
family knows the other man. I have worked with him for years. So it is not
unusual for me to spend time with him or to have him in our home. The problem
is that my husband now refuses to allow him into our home. He says that he does
not want this man around our children since this man is trying to destroy our
family. My kids don't know about the relationship and I have no intention of
telling them. We don't act inappropriately around my children. My kids actually
like the other man and enjoy spending time with him. I don't see the problem,
but my husband says bringing the other man into our home is insensitive and
inappropriate. I suppose it would be these things if the other man and I were
kissing in front Russianbrides of the
kids, but we aren't. Who is right here? Do I have to keep the kids way from the
other man?"
I'm not an attorney or a marriage
counselor. So I can't give you a legal or psychological answer. I can give you
my opinion of what is a correct moral answer, although I suspect you won't like
what I have to say. I don't mean to be harsh or insensitive. I concede that
people feel that they have developed true and real feelings that are hard to
turn off and on when they are having an affair. But, to me, you should not
invest or demonstrate these feelings until you decide what you want to do about
your marriage. If your marriage is over and you are divorced, then there is
nothing wrong with pursuing a new relationship. But, until that time, it is
wrong to do so.
And pursuing a new relationship in
front of your children is very confusing for them at a time in their lives when
they may well sense that something serious is going on with their parents. I
know that no one was kissing in front of the kids, but kids are more perceptive
than you may be giving them credit for. You may not be overtly kissing in front
of them, but they still make be picking up the vibe in the room. This can make
them confused and uncomfortable. And you may not realize this, but you may be
trying Russianbrides.com to encourage a relationship between your
children and the other man because you want a future with him. That would be
manipulative and premature at this point because you are still married to these
children's father.
I do not know the legal
ramifications of this, but as I said, common sense and wanting the well being
of children whose parents' marriage is in peril should be your first priority.
I can't imagine that forging a relationship with a new adult would be more
beneficial to them than stability right now. Let's face it. You are not having
the other man around the children for their sake. You are doing it for your
sake. You have to ask yourself if you are motivated by the children or
motivated by yourself.
I am not saying that you won't
ultimately end up with the other man. That is up to you. Only you can decide
that. But right now, you are still married. And until you resolve what is going
to happen with that marriage, then you shouldn't pursue other relationships. It
is just too early for that. You shouldn't take on something new when you
haven't yet resolved something old. And frankly, even with a divorce, you
should be very careful with introducing new relationships to your children.
Many experts suggest that you don't force the new relationship on your children
and you give this plenty of time to digest the divorce before you even consider
adding new relationships to their lives.
Again, this is only my opinion. But
because of my articles, I hear from a lot of folks in this situation. Very few
of them recount good things coming out of pushing a new person on children who
are already struggling with what will become of their parents' marriage. Give
this situation more time. Don't rush anything. Focus on the outcome of your
marriage first. Allow your children the time to heal and to spend time with
only you before you attempt to push someone new onto them. This is likely a
harder time for your children than you realize. They need you and your support.
Not someone else along side of you.
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