If you are looking for infidelity support then I bet one of the big issues you are dealing with is how angry you feel with your husband or wife... always angry almost all of the time.
In the aftermath of an affair you
have every right to be very angry and upset!
But, you know, continual anger is
destructive and will eventually drag you down and cause more psychological datinggroup.in (and even physiological) damage to yourself than
anybody else. Also if you want to stay with your spouse and save your marriage
then it is critical that you learn to express your anger without actually
getting 'angry' in order to move forward through the process of healing
yourself and your marriage.
So here are 3 tips to help you tell
your spouse how you feel without 'getting angry'.
Tip 1: Look at your spouse as a
friend - not an enemy
Your natural instinct, your 'inner
caveman' will want to treat your spouse as your enemy... after all they have
hurt you RussianBrides.com review so you
want to attack back with rage. But despite everything that happened with the
affair, if you want your marriage to work then your spouse needs to be your
best friend not your enemy.
I know this will seem impossible
after all the lies and betrayal, but, even best friends make mistakes and are
not perfect. If you had an argument with a best friend you would probably
communicate less angrily with each other and try to be more 'diplomatic' than
with your spouse in order to work things out and mend your friendship.
This takes a lot of control on your
part. No matter how angry you feel on the inside, you need to choose to change
your attitude to one of friendship. This will put you in a much calmer frame of
mind lovingfeel so that you can communicate with one another in a way
that makes progress and moves forward without damaging your relationship
further.
Don't give in to your inner
caveman, I know it is difficult so try to remain calm and strong.
Tip 2: Don't say 'YOU' say 'I'
Using 'I' statements is about
expressing your feelings so that you say for example, "I feel upset"
or "I feel hurt" etc instead of saying "you did that" and
"you did this to me" etc.
You need to focus on your own
experiences and not target what your spouse did or didn't do to cause their
infidelity. Using 'I' statements is less provocative then saying 'you' so you
will be starting from a calmer base and will have more success drawing your
partner in to listen to how you feel about the infidelity and support you. This
will avoid driving them away and making them feel like they are under attack.
Tip 3: Manage your own feelings so
that you are truly listening to your spouse
This tip is for both the cheater
and the cheated spouse wanting infidelity support.
It's about listening to your
husband or wife and understanding what they are saying regardless of whether it
fits with your own point of view. So for instance the cheating husband must
listen to what his wife has to say without jumping in and starting to argue,
defend or justify his actions that led to infidelity. Support for you means he
must listen patiently without interrupting.
Equally his wife must listen to his
perspective on their relationship without getting defensive and angry.
To gain infidelity support you both
need to give up on the idea of being 'right'. It is not a war with a winner and
a loser. You are not enemies. You both need to listen to each other and accept
what is being said even if you don't agree with or like what they are saying.
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